


pencils, punches and puns || dreamsmp college group chat/social media au

by redareia



Category: DreamSMP, Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF, mcyt
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Bad Puns, Chaos, Charlie Slimecicle - Freeform, Dadza, Domestic Fluff, DreamSMP - Freeform, DreamSMP group chat? How original, Everyone Is Alive, Except Philza, Fluff, Found Family, Funny, Gen, Group chat, No Angst, Please take my bad jokes, PogChamp, Sleepy Bois Inc as Family, Texting, This is just going to be a crack fic maybe, Tommy and Tubbo are in college, Wilbur Soot and Technoblade and TommyInnit are Siblings, Wilbur and Techno are twins, all fluff, charlie slimecicle appreciation, sbi, sleepy bois inc - Freeform, so is everyone else
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-29
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-14 20:21:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29052063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redareia/pseuds/redareia
Summary: wilbur: hey does anyone else have calculus with mrs. mizu? i need answers to the homeworkgeorge: i do but i don't understand #3 at alldream: i can help you out george :)))techno: you don't even have mrs. mizudream: stfu technotommy: wilbur is STUPID LULWtubbo: LULWranboo: LULWphil: wil, i'm right downstairs, you could just ask mewilbur: yeah but you'd make me actually do the mathcharlie slimecicle: it seems there's a 'divide' herealex: LMAOkarl: LMAOfundy: shut up charlieschlatt: wilbur, come over bae, i'll give you all the answers you needsapnap: mrs. mizu gave out homework???--------red here!! i present a dreamsmp college group chat au, full of fluff and chaos. please take this while i work on another fantasy au!!
Relationships: no irl shipping you weirdos
Comments: 82
Kudos: 530





	1. introduction + new beginnings

**information + things to know!!**

**people:  
** \- alex is quackity  
\- charlie is slimecicle  
\- cara is captain puffy  
\- grayson is purpled  
  
 **ages:**  
\- tubbo, tommy, ranboo, grayson and hannah (aka the children of the smp) are freshman in college  
\- phil is a professor in coding and game design at carissime college  
\- everyone else are sophomores in college  
  
 **group chats:  
** \- chaos crew (everyone)  
\- dadza's kids (wilbur, tommy, techno, and phil)  
\- feral gang (dream, sapnap, george, alex & karl)  
\- youngsters (tommy, tubbo, ranboo, grayson and hannah)  
\- shithole central (connor, schlatt, and charlie) **  
  
places:**  
\- carissime college (college where everyone attends)  
\- carissime dorms (on campus living for the college)  
\- top of the mornin' coffee (local coffee shop)  
\- quiktrip (gas station)  
\- the cyan tavern (local pub)  
\- nivison's (grocery store)

 **living arrangements:  
** \- wilbur, techno, and tommy live with phil in their childhood home, walking distance  
\- dream, george, and sapnap share an apartment, about ten minutes away  
\- karl and alex share an apartment, down the street from dream team  
\- charlie, schlatt, and connor live in a one story house, about eight minutes away

\- tubbo and ranboo share a dorm on campus  
\- fundy and sam share a dorm on campus  
\- niki and cara share a dorm on campus  
\- grayson and hannah share a dorm on campus  
  
  
 **format: for the most part, this will be in the format of a group chat, but sometimes it will incorporate other social medias as well!  
  
** **note: please comment if you have any questions or suggestions!! i'll reply to every comment, and i hope you enjoy!! :)  
  
  
**

* * *

  
 **chaos crew group chat - tuesday, august 17th, 2021 (8:21 am)  
  
  
  
phil:** first day of a new school year :)  
  
 **wilbur:** shut up old man  
  
 **phil:** why do i bother  
  
 **tubbo:** ranboo and i almost have our dorm set up!  
  
 **ranboo:** i almost have _my_ side of the room set up. you need to work on yours  
  
 **tubbo:** LUL  
  
 **alex:** GOOD MORNING!  
  
 **sapnap:** alex did i leave my science notebook at you and karl's apartment?  
  
 **alex:** uhhhhh  
  
 **alex:** i can check  
  
 **alex:** is it orange with "biology" written on it in cursive  
  
 **sapnap:** no?  
  
 **karl:** that's mine!! don't touch it >:(  
  
 **alex:** are you almost back from top of the mornin?? i need my coffee 

**karl:** yes you nimrod!!  
  
 **alex:** mi perdonas!! thank you!!  
  
 **george:** sapnap your notebook is in my car  
  
 **sapnap:** how did it get in there?!?  
  
 **tommy:** HAHA!  
  
 **sapnap:** tommy i'll destroy you  
  
 **wilbur:** hey fundy do you want to meet up before going to math  
  
 **fundy:** sam got stung by a bee so we're going to be late  
  
 **charlie:** that better a-pollen-gize to sam!  
  
 **fundy:** charlie...  
  
 **alex:** LMAOOO  
  
 **connor:** charlie get in the fucking car or we're leaving without you  
  
 **schlatt:** wilbur do you need someone to meet up with  
  
 **wilbur:** yes but not you  
  
 **schlatt:** wtf why not  
  
 **wilbur:** first off, you're annoying  
  
 **wilbur:** second off, your first class is on the opposite side of the school  
  
 **schlatt:** i'd be late for you babe  
  
 **wilbur:** brb blocking your number  
  
 **tubbo** **:** check it out!! we're done!!  
  
 **tubbo:** [a picture of tubbo and ranboo's dorm room. there's a single twin sized bed on each side. one bed has covers with black and white stripes, while the other has a green cover. ranboo stands awkwardly next to the black and white bed, holding a water bottle. he's wearing a crewneck, jeans, and a baseball cap with the school logo over his half-white and half-black dyed hair. ranboo's side is clean and has a fluffy rug. tubbo's side has notebooks "organized" on a pile on the floor. a soda bottle sits on the windowsill.]  
  
 **tommy:** WOAH! COOL ROOM!  
  
 **ranboo:** i look so awkward  
  
 **grayson:** why are there so many notebooks on the floor  
  
 **dream:** wtf is that scott's sizzler soda  
  
 **tubbo:** yeah, why?  
  
 **dream:** they're all sold out at nivison's, where did you get that  
  
 **tubbo:** oh i brought my own stash with me  
  
 **dream:** brb on my way over, george i'm taking your car  
  
 **george:** what?  
  
 **dream:** my car is out of gas  
  
 **george:** then how are me and sapnap getting to school??  
  
 **dream:** idk figure it out  
  
 **niki:** karl!! cara and i just saw you drive by!!  
  
 **karl:** :D  
  
 **phil:** don't text and drive karl  
  
 **karl:** :(  
  
 **grayson:** i can't find my classroom  
  
 **wilbur:** class doesn't start for like half an hour why are you so early  
  
 **grayson:** wtf hannah told me it was time to go now  
  
 **hannah:** :)  
  
 **grayson:** omfg hannah if i get back to the dorm and you've eaten all the banana bread  
  
 **grayson:** i'm gonna kill you  
  
 **hannah:** too bad i've already left the dorm! the wrapper is in the trash can if you want to lick it

 **grayson:** i hate you  
  
 **schlatt:** lol  
  
 **schlatt:** [a picture taken from the backseat of connor's car. connor is in the driver's seat and charlie is in the passenger's seat. charlie is reaching out like he's going to change the music, but the picture caught connor slapping charlie. connor is wearing an atlanta falcons t-shirt and a black bracelet. charlie has on his signature glasses paired with a dark green shirt and a jean jacket. connor has a grin that says i-gotcha-this time, and charlie is halfway between a smile and a yell.]  
  
 **alex:** LMFAO WTF **  
  
charlie:** i just wanted to change the music. i'm gonna sue for abuse  
  
 **alex:** if you were gonna put on sea shanties again, then you deserve to be hit  
  
 **charlie:** i was hoping connor could _sea_ the perks of listening to the shanties

 **sam:** my bee sting is all better :)  
  
 **fundy:** bro it was so big for no reason  
  
 **grayson:** the bee or the sting?  
  
 **sam:** both  
  
 **connor:** we're here. charlie was trying to play sea shanties the whole time again. he's sitting in the back on the way home.

 **schlatt:** connor you suck at driving  
  
 **connor:** pussy  
  
 **charlie:** who wants my sea shanties playlist  
  
 **connor:** don't play that anywhere near me i stg  
  
 **george:** omfg dream actually took my car. karl can you pick me and sap up  
  
 **karl:** yeah no prob!!  
  
 **cara:** ugh the line here at top of the mornin is so long  
  
 **phil:** are you and niki gonna be late?  
  
 **cara:** hannah is with us too now but i think we'll barely make it  
  
 **dream:** tubbo, ranboo, where is your dorm  
  
 **tubbo:** are you gonna steal my soda?  
  
 **dream:** i'm not here for the soda, i'm here to see your dorm :)  
  
 **ranboo:** don't tell him  
  
 **tubbo:** dream are you really here for the dorm?  
  
 **ranboo:** he's not  
  
 **dream:** yes! :)  
  
 **ranboo:** please don't tell him  
  
 **dream:** no worries! i already asked one of your neighbors! on my way up! :)  
  
 **ranboo:** oh no  
  
 **karl:** the gang  
  
 **karl:** [a selfie from the passenger's seat of his car. karl is grinning and wearing a sweater over a collared shirt. george is in the driver's seat, his eyes on the road, sipping a cup of coffee. He has sunglasses on his head and he's wearing a plain red sweartshirt. In the backseat behind george, alex is wearing his favorite dark blue lafd beanie with a dark blue sweater over one of karl's collared shirts. he has a massive grin on his face, and he's facing sapnap. he's not really visible in the photo, but you can tell he's wearing a white long sleeve shirt. the two in the back are playing rock paper scissors: alex threw paper and sapnap threw rock.]  
  
 **cara:** we made it!!  
  
 **grayson:** i got here thirty minutes early. now the bell is about to ring and i still can't find my class.  
  
 **tubbo:** dream stole one of my sodas. he said he'd give me a chocolate bar at lunch though so it's okay.  
  
 **tommy:** TUBBO! I AM COMING!  
  
 **tubbo:** good i saved you a seat  
  
 **phil:** bell just rang, did everyone make it to class?  
  
 **wilbur:** yup  
  
 **tubbo:** yes  
  
 **tommy:** YES!  
  
 **sapnap:** me, karl, george, and alex all did  
  
 **dream:** i made it too  
  
 **hannah:** me, niki and cara all made it.  
  
 **grayson:** barely  
  
 **fundy:** yeah!  
  
 **sam:** yes!  
  
 **phil:** great! i hope you all have a good first day of the new year!  
  
 **techno:** uh oh, i overslept.  
  
  
  



	2. late night mcdonald's run

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> alex wants mcdonalds, schlatt sucks at driving, and sapnap can't find the bagels.

**chaos crew group chat - wednesday, august 18, 2021 (11:32 pm)  
  
  
** **alex:** karl is asleep does anyone want to get mcdonalds  
  
 **tommy:** I WILL BIG Q!  
  
 **phil:** no the fuck you're not

 **phil:** why do you even want mcdonalds this late  
  
 **alex:** [a very low resolution image of a brown cat sitting in a mcdonalds bag. the words "chickie nuggies" were pasted over it in bold white impact font.]  
  
 **phil:** okay then  
  
 **schlatt:** i'll come alex  
  
 **schlatt:** alex i'll come  
  
 **schlatt:** alex  
  
 **alex:** do you actually want to come?

 **schlatt:** yeah buddy. i'll borrow connor's car and come pick you up.  
  
 **alex:** you know what? sure.  
  
 **schlatt:** actually, i just remembered i have to go to sleep. sorry, i can't come.  
  
 **alex:**...  
  
 **alex:** i fucking hate you. i never want to speak to you again. never show your dirty face around our apartment again.  
  
 **alex:** don't text me, don't call me, don't come by my house. we're done.  
  
 **connor:** isn't that the line rowley says in diary of a wimpy kid  
  
 **alex:** wtf connor you didn't have to tell everyone that  
  
 **connor:** i wouldn't have let schlatt borrow my car anyways  
  
 **schlatt:** why??  
  
 **niki:** because you almost hit me backing out of the nivison's parking lot  
  
 **george:** and the time you were taking me to work and you almost hit someone crossing the crosswalk  
  
 **ranboo:** don't forget the time you were driving me and tubbo to the library to study and you sped through a red light  
  
 **tubbo:** there was a cop right there and you sped through it anyways  
  
 **ranboo:** i mean the cop was sleeping, but seriously  
  
 **alex:** there was the time that me, karl, and charlie were riding with you and you sped up instead of slowed down in a school zone  
  
 **phil:** also there was the time wilbur wanted to carpool with you but when you pulled up to the house, you hit the mailbox  
  
 **tommy:** you also ran over my garden gnome. i shouldn't have put him next to the mailbox. rip garrett the gnome  
  
 **tubbo:** rip garrett the gnome  
  
 **grayson:** rip garrett the gnome  
  
 **ranboo:** rip garrett the gnome  
  
 **connor:** the cherry on top is the time you forgot which car was mine and almost got arrested because you were trying to pry open someone else's car door  
  
 **schlatt:** i hope all of you burn in a fire  
  
 **connor:** eat shit  
  
 **connor:** also have you seen charlie? he was supposed to be home an hour ago  
  
 **wilbur:** [a selfie of him and charlie at the cyan tavern. charlie is wearing the same jean jacket outfit from earlier. wilbur is wearing a sweater with an orca patch hand-sewn on it and his round glasses. wilbur is smiling creepily at the camera and charlie is attempting to drink beer while standing on one foot. several entertained but worried onlookers watch charlie in the background.]  
  
 **connor:** please don't kill him. he's the only one in our house who can cook  
  
 **schlatt:** yeah, we had to have leftovers for dinner today  
  
 **connor:** also if you do kill him, any money in his will thats supposed to go to you will go to me instead  
  
 **wilbur:** okayb  
  
 **phil:** jesus christ  
  
 **alex:** we are getting off topic!! who wants to go to mcdonalds!?!  
  
 **tubbo:** me and ranboo were just at sam and fundy's dorm, they went to bed early  
  
 **george:** dream fell asleep after having a sugar high from one of tubbo's sodas  
  
 **tubbo:** tell him that he still owes me a candy bar  
  
 **sapnap:** hey george i'm at nivison's  
  
 **george:** still?!?!  
  
 **sapnap:** where's the bagels?  
  
 **george:** what?  
  
 **sapnap:** i'm standing where the bagels usually are but there aren't any here  
  
 **sapnap:** well there's gluten free bagels here but those are gross  
  
 **george:** are you in the gluten free section?  
  
 **sapnap:** no i don't think so??   
  
**sapnap:** i swear the bagels were right here last time  
  
 **george:** omg this is why i do the shopping  
  
 **george:** you're probably in the gluten free aisle, go two aisles to your left  
  
 **sapnap:** no, that's where the cereal is, i want bagels  
  
 **george:** they're in the same aisle as the cereal  
  
 **sapnap:** i'll go check but you're probably wrong.  
  
 **cara:** alex do you still want to go to mcdonald's?  
  
 **alex:** YES!!!  
  
 **cara:** i'll pick you up in 10 minutes  
  
 **alex:** WOOHOO! THANK YOU CARA  
  
 **cara:** you're buying though  
  
 **alex:** OF COURSE, OF COURSE  
  
 **alex:** niki's cool with it, right?  
  
 **niki:** yeah i am! i'm just studying!  
  
 **alex:** studying?? today was the first day of school??  
  
 **niki:** it's called being prepared.  
  
 **sapnap:** i found the bagels :)


	3. snakes, birds, and photoshop

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> wilbur and charlie cause trouble. phil panics. everyone else plays would you rather

**wilby** _@maybewilbur  
  
_ #party #rager #dance  
  
[a selfie of him with charlie in the background. charlie is doing what appears to be the dougie in the middle of the dance floor. wilbur is very out of focus]  
  
|

 **thomas** _@bigmaninnit  
_  
you look like an idiot  
  
|

 **phil** _@mrminecraft  
  
_ tommy please go to bed, wilbur please come home  
  


**wilby** _@maybewilbur  
  
_ #badboys  
  
[a selfie of him and charlie running while red and blue lights flash in the background]  
  
|

 **karl!!** _@honkjacobs  
  
_ AWESOME!  
  
|  
  
 **alex "top milf" quackity** _@quacktitties  
  
_ AWESOME!

|  
  
 **phil** _@mrminecraft_

NOT FUCKING AWESOME

* * *

**chaos crew group chat**  
 **  
phil:** did you guys see what wilbur posted on twitter???  
  
 **grayson:** yeah, he's gonna need to give me photoshop lessons  
  
 **connor:** literally, he's going to need to edit some of the pictures for my biology presentation  
  
 **connor:** speaking of which, george did you do your slides  
  
 **george:** slides?  
  
 **george:** OH  
  
 **george:** i did one of them  
  
 **connor:** did austin do his slides?  
  
 **george:** i don't know actually  
  
 **connor:** george i'm looking at this and the only thing you did was one of austin's slides  
  
 **george:** oh.  
  
 **grayson:** do you think wilbur used any kind of filter on charlie to make those police lights look real  
  
 **phil:** i don't think thats photoshop.  
  
 **grayson:** er  
 **  
grayson:** nvm  
  
 **alex:** LMAOOOO  
  
 **karl:** GRAYSON GOT CLAPPED  
  
 **ranboo:** KEKW  
  
 **phil:** guys this is serious, wil and charlie could be in trouble  
  
 **schlatt:** would you rather be bitten by a snake every minute for the rest of your life, or be a millionaire except you turn into a bird?  
  
 **phil:** schlatt fuck you please this is not the time for this  
  
 **tommy:** if a snake bit me, i wouldn't even feel it. i'm just that strong  
  
 **techno:** you definitely are not  
  
 **tommy:** WHAT THE FUCK  
  
 **techno:** you stubbed your toe earlier and you had to eat two mini cupcakes to calm down  
  
 **techno:** but i would also choose the snakes. screw being a bird. fingerless losers.  
  
 **karl:** i wanna fly!! watch out!! i'll be rich AND peck your eyes out!! >:)  
  
 **alex:** stupid ass. birds can't buy shit. someone would steal your money.  
  
 **karl:** i'd literally be famous?? a bird who invests in the stock market?? nobody would be able to steal from me  
  
 **fundy:** yeah you'd literally be the first talking bird. everyone would love you.  
  
 **alex:** YOU CAN'T TALK!! YOU'RE A BIRD!!  
  
 **sam:** you're a person in a bird's body. logically, you'd still have the same awareness and capabilities.  
  
 **fundy:** what he said!!!  
  
 **cara:** obvi the snakes, i'm gonna be a bird. what would i do, shit white?  
  
 **alex:** GREAT POINT CARA!  
  
 **cara:** what do they eat besides like fucking dirt  
  
 **techno:** mice, bugs, smaller birds, seeds, berries, fish, acorns, spiders, and sometimes even other birds eggs  
  
 **tubbo:** BIRD CANIBALISM?  
  
 **alex:** TECHNO STAY ON OUR SIDE PLEASE !!  
  
 **niki:** i would want to be a rose finch :]  
  
 **niki:** [a photo of a very pretty pink finch with grey speckles]  
  
 **alex:** BITCHASS BIRD DOESN'T EVEN HAVE CLAWS  
  
 **alex:** [a photo of a hawk picking a mouse off the ground with it's talons]  
  
 **niki:** that's very interesting alex  
  
 **phil:** guys can we focus on the real issue right now  
  


* * *

 **charles** _@slimeguy  
  
_ that moment when your friend gets caught! lol! #YOLO  
  
[a blurry photo of wilbur running from a security guard]  
  
  



	4. carissime college janitorial appreciation bake sale

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> as a professor, phil was supposed to put together a group of students to bake brownies for the school bake sale. unfortunately, the event ended up slipping everyone's minds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "red? what happened to updates?"
> 
> so, i ended up having to write this chapter twice because my computer crashed the first time and the draft didn't save, so that took me extra long lol
> 
> the good news is that i've been spending some time working on my dreamsmp fantasy au, so hopefully that should be coming soon. enjoy this little thing lol

**carissime college board** _@officialcarissimecollege_

students and family! please attend the the carissime college janitorial appreciation bake sale tomorrow to help raise money to get our janitors new equipment! it starts at 12:00 pm tomorrow in the st. bedwars auditorium.

|

**phil** _@mrminecraft_

my group is doing the brownies! please stop by and help support our hardworking janitors!  
  


* * *

_**phil created a group chat** _

_**phil added alex, karl, tommy, techno, dream and george  
  
phil named the group chat "bake sale idiots"** _

  
**alex:** AYO MR MINECRAFT  
  
 **phil:**...hey alex.

 **phil:** where are we on the bake sale?  
  
 **alex:** bake sale?

 **phil:** oh my god  
  
 **phil:** the bake sale to raise money for the janitors? tomorrow? you guys were supposed to make brownies?

 **techno:** oh yeah, i remember you telling us to do that

 **techno:** did we do it?  
  
 **dream:** we all met up to do it and we went to sam and fundy's dorm to play mario kart instead  
  
 **techno:** oh yeah. that tournament was fun. 

**karl:** wooo yeah! first place champ right here!  
  
 **alex:** karl you only won because i got blueshelled last minute like every round  
  
 **tommy:** I WAS AWESOME  
  
 **techno:** the only person who lost to you was sam, and i think he did it out of pity.

 **techno:** stop shouting at me from across the hall  
  
 **tommy:** I DO WHAT I WANT  
  
 **phil:**...  
  
 **tommy:** fine ill be quiet 

**dream:** we just need to bake brownies right?  
  
 **tommy:** lets make george go pick some up  
  
 **george:** i'm literally at work right now  
  
 **tommy:** yeah, you work at the store, grab some brownie mix while you're there  
  
 **george:** i work at jcpenny's  
  
 **tommy:** and??  
  
 **george:**.......  
  
 **techno:** tommy jcpenny is a clothing store  
  
 **tommy:** i totally knew that  
  
 **dream:** phil, i can just make some brownies and bring them in tomorrow

 **phil:** do you have the stand done?  
  
 **dream:** stand?  
  
 **phil:** oh lord almighty. a stand, a table, a stall, whatever. it's kind of like a science fair. every group got assigned a dessert, and every group sets up their own table with their food. we gotta like decorate the table and stuff.  
  
 **techno:** this would've been helpful not the day before it was due.  
  
 **phil:** what do you mean??? i told all of you this a month ago???  
  
 **karl:** didn't you give us pamphlets? that was cool  
  
 **alex:** i could probably find mine in the trashcan somewhere  
  
 **phil:** please don't

 **karl:** please don't  
  
 **karl:** jinx!! you owe me a soda!!

 **phil:** and you owe me a brownie stand!! this is part of your grade, you know?  
  
 **dream:** WHAT?  
  
 **phil:** you guys were traveling when we did our big project in the spring. you guys were picked to do this to make up for that grade.

 **tommy:** I REMEMBER THAT!  
  
 **tommy:** us big strong men went to the city to represent the school at that big trivia contest  
  
 **dream:** we literally lost because of george  
  
 **george:** how was i supposed to know anything about geodes??

 **techno:** geodes are rocks, how do you not know what a rock is

 **george:** wtf  
  
 **karl:** okay, i'm about to drive to nivison's, me and alex will bake the brownies, how many brownies do we need to bake  
  
 **phil:** uhh like 50 maybe??  
  
 **karl:** 50??

 **alex:** 50??  
  
 **karl:** jinx!! you owe me a soda!!

 **alex:** you're literally borrowing my car, i don't owe you anything  
  
 **alex:** loser  
  
 **alex:** i'll use your special flavored toothpaste  
  
 **karl:** NO OKAY IM GETTING THE STUFF  
  
 **phil:** okay so karl and alex have the actual brownies. are the rest of you gonna do the stand?  
  
 **george:** i'm still at work  
  
 **tommy:** that's not fair! how come you get to do nothing?  
  
 **george:** you guys can use my car  
  
 **tommy:** that's not work!! that's just lazy!!  
  
 **techno:** tommy how else are we supposed to go get stand supplies if we don't have a car  
  
 **techno:** the only car we have is phil's and he actually needs to use it   
  
**tommy:** UBER?? OR BICYCLES??

 **dream:** i'm going to uber to george's work and snatch his car  
  
 **george:** i stg if you crash it i'm gonna kill you  
  
 **dream:** can't wait <3  
  
 **phil:** uh okay  
  
 **phil:** tommy and techno what are you guys doing  
  
 **techno:** waiting for dream to pick us up i guess  
  
 **tommy:** then we'll drive to home depot or somewhere manly and get manly supplies  
  
 **phil:** techno keep tommy away from sharp objects please  
  
 **tommy:** stupid father i can handle all sorts of sharp knives  
  
 **phil:** this is why you're my least favorite child smh  
  
 **tommy:** WHAT THE FUCK  
  


* * *

_**tubbo created a group chat  
  
tubbo added ranboo, fundy and sam** _

_**tubbo named the group chat "dorm boys group chat"**  
  
_ **tubbo:** :D  
  
 **ranboo:** :D  
  
 **fundy:** :D  
  
 **sam:** :D  
  
 **ranboo:** why have we been summoned  
  
 **fundy:** i'm at work so i can't talk long :/  
  
 **tubbo:** ranboo when does your shift end tomorrow?  
  
 **ranboo:** uhh it's from 6:00 to 10:00 am  
  
 **tubbo:** perfect  
  
 **fundy:** what  
  
 **tubbo:** anyways do you guys wanna go to the bake sale tomorrow at noon?  
  
 **tubbo:** i know all the people who went to the trivia contest thing are representing phil's class  
  
 **sam:** the competition we lost because george forgot what a geode was?  
  
 **tubbo:** yep  
  
 **fundy:** LMAO

 **fundy:** k my boss is yelling at me but i can come  
  
 **sam:** i don't have anything to do until i volunteer at the dog shelter at 3 pm so i'm free!  
  
 **ranboo:** sam you are too good for this world  
  
 **sam:** :)  
  
 **tubbo:** okie dokie it's a plan then!  
  
 **tubbo:** i'm probably going to uber to the library and get some work done before we go  
  
 **sam:** oh i have some work too! i can drive you and we can study together!  
  
 **tubbo:** okay awesome!!  
  
 **ranboo:** fundy's working late so he'll probably sleep until until like 10:00 am  
  
 **sam:** yup lol exactly  
  
 **tubbo:** alrighty, so ranboo will go to work, me and sam will go the library, and fundy will sleep, then we can all meet near mrs. montgomery's room at like 11:45 and walk to auditorium  
  
 **sam:** perfecto!  
  
 **ranboo:** i hope they have lemon cookies. i love lemon cookies  
  


* * *

 **bake sale idiots group chat  
  
** **alex:** karl

 **alex:** karl

 **alex:** karl

 **karl:** yes ?  
  
 **alex:** when are you gonna be home D:  
  
 **karl:** i got the ingredients, there's a traffic jam, some guy tried fitting a table inside the trunk of a tiny toyota and it fell out lol  
  
 **techno:** doesn't george have a toyota  
  
 **tommy:** yeah, i think he has a dark blue one  
  
 **karl:** it doesn't happen to have a bumper sticker with our school's logo on it, does it?  
  
 **alex:** ohh yeah it does! the white one with the school logo in blue  
  
 **karl:** i think dream caused this traffic jam  
  
 **george:** DREAM??  
  
 **george:** what the fuck  
  
 **george:** i stg if there's a single scratch on my car  
  
 **dream:** there aren't any scratches  
  
 **george:** oh thank god  
  
 **dream:** not on your car at least. might be some scratches on the car that had to swerve around me and crashed into the fire hydrant  
  
 **george:** WHAT  
  
 **karl:** HUH?  
  
 **phil:** EXCUSE ME?  
  
 **dream:** i've got it all under control. i'll be at your house in 5 min phil  
  
 **phil:** oh dear goodness  
  


* * *

 **dorm boys group chat - the next morning  
  
** **tubbo:** ranboo, fundy??  
  
 **tubbo:** where are you guys??  
  
 **ranboo:** there was a big car accident last night. apparently some guy crashed into a fire hydrant. every car has to go around it now so i'm gonna be a little late  
  
 **sam:** okay, i'm standing outside mrs. montgomery's room with tubbo, let me know when you get here  
  
 **tubbo:** but it's starting soon, so, like, hurry up please  
  
 **ranboo:** okay i'm taking a shortcut  
  
 **fundy:** OH SHOOT OKAY IM ON MY WAY  
  
 **tubbo:** you forgot???

 **fundy:** LISTEN  
  
 **fundy:**...  
  
 **fundy:** okay i don't have an excuse i was just tired  
  
 **tubbo:** honestly that's reasonable  
  
 **sam:** fundy its like a ten minute walk from our dorm  
  
 **fundy:** a ten minute WALK. its a less than ten minute RUN

 **sam:** oh no  
  


* * *

**carissime college board** _@officialcarissimecollege_

check out this exhibit from @mrminecraft's class! they provided the brownies for our bake sale! it's awesome to see such initative! #carissimepride  
  
[a photo of the bake sale group's exhibit. the table is decorated with a tablecloth and little streamers that don't match at all. one of the table legs is beat up from where dream let it fall out of the back of george's car. the brownies are arranged into 5 rows of ten. they're decorated with thin white frosting: half of them are nicely decorated with stripes and other designs, while the other half is shakily drawn as if the person was blinded. one in the back even looked like it had a bite taken out of it. phil is standing awkwardly in the middle behind the table, his outfit and hair all nice. tommy is directly on his left, his hair completely messy and dressed in his pajamas. techno was next to tommy, his hair in a messy manbun but still dressed quite nicely. george stood next to techno: he was dressed nicely too but his glasses were sitting on his head awkwardly and he was blinking in the photo. on phil's left was alex and karl. they were both dressed in hawiian shirts, but alex was giving karl a piggy back ride. they were both laughing really hard, looking as if they completely forgot they were taking a photo. dream stood next to them, in a green dress shirt and a white barette holding his hair back. he was doing double peace signs, pulling off a "swag" pose from 2013.]


	5. astrology and getting kicked out of jcpenny's

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tubbo: besides the arts and crafts projects, astrology is pretty poggers
> 
> tommy: you guys all take such lame classes
> 
> hannah: tommy you literally take zoology
> 
> tommy: animals are so much better than planets
> 
> tommy: i get to projects about lions and tigers and shit
> 
> tommy: man eating tigers > stupid stars
> 
> grayson: are you paying attention in zoology because tigers don't eat people
> 
> tommy: SHUT UP GRAYSON

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you made it this far, i just wanted to say thank you for sticking around and supporting my work!!
> 
> if you enjoy my writing style and you enjoy fantasy/magic/medieval aus, i just started a new one that you would probably enjoy!! it's like 3k-5k words a chapter, and there's a lot of cool lore stuff!
> 
> you can check it out here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29565156/chapters/72661404
> 
> okay, little self promotion over, please enjoy the chapter!!

**hannah (montana)** _@totallyrose  
  
_ how to get your roommate to stop eating your banana bread  
  
|  
  
 **not grayson** _@bedwarsgod_  
  
how to get your roommate to stop subtweeting you about eating banana bread that's in the dorm you share  
  
|  
  
 **ranboob** _@splitdyedhair  
  
_ i just started writing my name on my food with sharpie  
  
|

 **hannah (montana)** _@totallyrose_

thank you ranboo for an actual idea mwah  
  
|

 **thomas** _@bigmaninnit  
  
_ how is hannah supposed to write on bread with a sharpie idiot  
  
|  
  
 **tubbo!** _@ilovebees  
  
_ ranboo means write it on the wrapper. not on the bread.  
  
|  
  
 **thomas** _@bigmaninnit_  
  
obviously!! i knew that!!  
  


* * *

 **  
youngsters group chat  
**  
  
 **grayson:** :)  
  
 **grayson:** today is a great day.  
  
 **ranboo:** why are you in such a good mood?  
  
 **grayson:** what? can't a guy be happy for once in his life?  
  
 **hannah:** tommy tripped and fell in the parking lot  
  
 **grayson:** LMFAO YEAH SHE'S RIGHT IT WAS FUNNY  
  
 **tommy:** ARSEHOLE!!!  
  
 **tommy:** IT WAS NOT FUNNY!!!  
  
 **tommy:** IT WAS HANNAH'S FAULT I FELL!!  
  
 **hannah:** lol yeah it was  
  
 **ranboo:** i-  
  
 **ranboo:** what is wrong with you guys  
  
 **tubbo:** no idea what's wrong with them  
  
 **grayson:** LMAO TUBBO DON'T ACT LIKE YOU WEREN'T INVOLVED  
  
 **tommy:** YEAH!! I WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN IN THE PARKING LOT IF YOU DIDN'T LEAVE YOUR DRINK THERE  
  
 **tubbo:** absolutely no idea what's wrong with them  
  
 **hannah:** they're crazy  
  
 **grayson:** i would never associate with them  
  
 **tommy:** never in my life  
  
 **tubbo:** ranboo i accidentally spilt beads all over the floor but they will be cleaned up before you get home from work  
  
 **ranboo:** what the fuck  
  
 **ranboo:** as long as they're on your side of the dorm room  
  
 **tubbo:** they will be all cleaned up i promise o7  
  
 **ranboo:** why do you even have beads out??  
  
 **tubbo:** astrology project  
  
 **grayson:** imagine taking astrology  
  
 **tubbo:** you literally sit next to me  
  
 **grayson:** ...  
  
 **hannah:** wait what period do you guys have it

 **tubbo:** 5th period with mrs. stjerne  
  
 **tubbo:** she's awesome. her and her husband moved here from norway and apparently they used to like live in a lighthouse  
  
 **hannah:** omg yeah she's so sweet, i have her 3rd period  
  
 **ranboo:** how did 3/5 of us end up taking such an obscure class like astrology  
  
 **grayson:** listen you need certain credits to graduate and i knew tubbo was doing it so i signed up  
  
 **tubbo:** i signed up because i actually think its interesting  
  
 **hannah:** easy class, easy a+, easy dubs  
  
 **ranboo:** i see  
  
 **tubbo:** hannah what did you do for this project, i suck at arts and crafts  
  
 **hannah:** oh i just bought a foam ball from the craft store and painted it  
  
 **tubbo:** THEY SELL FOAM BALLS?  
  
 **hannah:** yeah?!?!  
  
 **grayson:** they come in packs of two so i just stole the other one and painted it too  
  
 **ranboo:** what's the project even about?  
  
 **hannah:** you have to make a model of the planet she assigned us  
  
 **hannah:** i got venus so i just used the foam ball and bought red + yellow + orange paints  
  
 **grayson:** I GOT URANUS LMFAOOO  
  
 **tubbo:** i got mars so i tried glueing red beads on my paper mache ball to make it look like craters or something  
  
 **tubbo:** i knocked over the beads on accident though  
  
 **tubbo:** BUT I AM GETTING THEM CLEANED UP!  
  
 **tubbo:** besides the arts and crafts projects, astrology is pretty poggers  
  
 **tommy:** you guys all take such lame classes  
  
 **hannah:** tommy you literally take zoology  
  
 **tommy:** animals are so much better than planets  
  
 **tommy:** i get to projects about lions and tigers and shit  
  
 **tommy:** man eating tigers > stupid stars  
  
 **grayson:** are you paying attention in zoology because tigers don't eat people  
  
 **tommy:** SHUT UP GRAYSON  
  
 **tommy:** YOUR NAME IS STUPID  
  
 **grayson:** HOW??  
  
 **tommy:** YOUR NAME IS GRAY-SON BUT YOU WEAR PURPLE ALL THE TIME  
  
 **grayson:** YEAH?? PURPLE IS MY FAVORITE COLOR??  
  
 **tommy:** I'M GONNA START CALLING YOU PURPLESON OR PURPLED OR PURPLES  
  
 **grayson:** THAT MAKES NO SENSE??  
  
 **hannah:** tommy and purpled shut up  
  
 **grayson:** that better not catch on or im gonna pass away  
  
 **tubbo:** PURPLED LULW  
  
 **tommy:** ANYWAYS!!  
  
 **tommy:** ranboo can i come visit you at work  
  
 **ranboo:** ...why  
  
 **tommy:** it would be so funny  
  
 **tommy:** wouldn't it be funny  
  
 **ranboo:** tommy what are you planning  
  
 **tommy:** can i have free food  
  
 **ranboo:** even if i wanted to do that  
  
 **ranboo:** which i don't  
  
 **ranboo:** i think my boss might get mad if he finds out i'm just giving people free food  
  
 **tommy:** well just take it out of your paycheck then  
  
 **ranboo:** that would be just me buying you food  
  
 **tommy:** exactly  
  
 **ranboo:** no way in hell i'm doing that  
  
 **hannah:** if you guys fight, can i record it  
  
 **tommy:** i will get sapnap to come down there and make you  
  
 **ranboo:** sapnap flew back to texas for the weekend to see his family  
  
 **ranboo:** you can't fool me  
  
 **tommy:** shit  
  
 **tommy:** well boys i tried  
  
 **hannah:** L  
  
 **grayson:** L  
  
 **tubbo:** L  
  
 **ranboo:** L  
  


* * *

****alex "top milf" quackity** ** _@quacktitties_

thank god its friday  
[a tgif friday meme of a cat in a bow tie from 2011] **  
  
**| **  
  
 **karl!!**** _@honkjacobs_ **  
  
**AMEN!!  
  
|  
  
 **dream** _@speedrunpisser_  
 **  
**AMEN!!  
  
|  
  
 **george** _@colorblindgogy_  
 **  
**you guys are stupid  
  
|  
  
 **sappy nappy** _@fireassbitch_  
 **  
**AMEN!! **  
  
**

* * *

 **feral gang group chat  
  
george:** hey mamas  
  
 **sapnap:** i hate you  
  
 **sapnap:** i have never said that ever  
  
 **george:** whatever  
  
 **george:** anyways my manager said i don't have to work tonight so do you guys wanna go see a movie  
  
 **dream:** yeah i have some english work i have to do but i probably can  
  
 **alex:** karl are we doing anything tonight  
  
 **karl:** nope!!  
  
 **alex:** okay then we're free!!  
  
 **sapnap:** WTF  
  
 **sapnap:** THE ONE WEEKEND THAT I DECIDE TO FLY HOME  
  
 **sapnap:** george i stg i'm gonna call your manager  
  
 **george:** please don't  
  
 **george:** if you get me fired  
  
 **sapnap:** i just want to tell him to give you off on a weekend where i'm in town  
  
 **dream:** he'll just call in sick next weekend  
  
 **alex:** my aunt got the flu last week. we can tell your boss that she infected me and i infected you  
  
 **karl:** since i live with alex, we can also say that i have it to make it more realistic  
  
 **george:** first off, my manager doesn't know any of you, so we don't need to make a whole backstory  
  
 **alex:** your manager knows dream pretty well  
  
 **dream:** LMAOO I FORGOT ABOUT THAT  
  
 **george:** WHAT  
  
 **alex:** this was before you started working there don't worry  
  
 **alex:** dream and i had a class together last year about like public speaking so we had to go out and get nice clothes  
  
 **alex:** we were looking for clothes and dream was trying to put on a pair of shoes while standing up  
  
 **alex:** he ended up knocking over an entire shelf full of shoes and the manager was PISSED LMFAO  
  
 **sapnap:** LMFAO I REMEMBER DREAM CALLING ME ALL PANICKY AFTERWARDS  
  
 **karl:** BWAHAHA THATS SO FUNNY  
  
 **alex:** IT WAS  
  
 **dream:** after i knocked the shelf over, alex literally ran away and i almost got banned for life  
  
 **dream:** now whenever i go in there, your manager has his eyes on me like a HAWK  
  
 **dream:** i have one more strike apparently  
  
 **sapnap:** that's why we only go to jcpenny when we visit george while he's working so that we can avoid any more "incidents"  
  
 **dream:** this seems very much like i'm being framed  
  
 **karl:** there's better places to shop than jcpenny's anyways  
  
 **george:** honestly yeah  
  
 **george:** i only do it because i get discounts for working here  
  
 **karl:** cara gets me a discount at urban outfitters  
  
 **dream:** yeah, cara scored a banger job  
  
 **george:** my job is banger too  
  
 **dream:** meh  
  
 **george:** i hate u  
  
 **karl:** i honestly order most of my stuff online but i do find some pretty good finds there  
  
 **alex:** i usually just steal the clothes that karl doesn't wear  
  
 **karl:** before you knew that i knew, you would always act so sneaky when wearing them  
  
 **alex:** i felt like james bond  
  
 **sapnap:** i loved the james bond movie where he stole his roommate's stripped sweater  
  
 **alex:** ITS A VERY COMFY SWEATER  
  
 **alex:** i am like james bond in so many ways you wouldn't believe it  
  
 **sapnap:** if you're really james bond, then you're totally blowing your cover  
  
 **alex:**???  
  
 **alex:** wtf no i'm not  
  
 **alex:** i'm so good  
  
 **alex:** you know nothing, sappitus nappitus  
  
 **sapnap:** memory wipe me  
  
 **sapnap:** bitch  
  
 **sapnap:** bitch

 **sapnap:** bitch

 **sapnap:** bitch  
  
 **alex:** STOP IT  
  
 **alex:** I'M REPORTING YOU TO THE AUTHORITIES  
  
 **dream:** wouldn't be the first time  
  
 **sapnap:** stfu   
  
**sapnap:** you can't talk, you know  
  
 **dream:** that's fair  
  
 **karl:** dream n george, i'll pick you up outside your apartment at 5:00?  
  
 **dream:** sounds good to me  
  
 **george:** i get off at 5:00 so i'll just drive straight to the theater and meet you guys there  
  
 **karl:** LMAO i forget you have a car sometimes  
  
 **karl:** sounds good!  
  
 **sapnap:** :(  
  
 **sapnap:** miss you guys  
  
 **alex:** aww sappy pappy nappy!! we miss you too!!  
  
 **sapnap:** never mind i take it back  
  


* * *

 **charlie** _@slimeguy  
  
_ at mcdonald's! #ontherun  
  
[a blurry selfie of charlie and wilbur at mcdonalds. charlie is laughing while wilbur is staring deadpan into the camera holding a big mac]  
  
|  
  
 **connor** _@soniceatspants  
_

what is wrong with you two? you guys are lunatics  
  
|

 **connor** _@soniceatspants  
_

actually, i'll take back this statement if you guys bring me home an m&m mcflurry


End file.
